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This post is going to sound a bit cooky for those who don’t believe in spiritual stuff. Let me preface this with adding that I am always super skeptical about stuff like this but I keep finding myself in situations that give me no other choice but to just let the universe just give me what its got for me. Ugh that sounds cooky just typing it but bear with me and hopefully I make some sense here lol.

When I say skeptic I mean I’m a s k e p t I c. Lol. I grew up as a preachers daughter but sort of decided to find my own way when it came to stuff like that. I still don’t consider myself to belong to one specific spiritual group. I guess I more or less find comfort in what many ideas have to offer. In my younger days I may or may not have considered myself to have been more or less atheistic. Not that that is wrong. Or bad. I just can’t explain a lot of stuff away to rational means anymore.

this post had a purpose. I promise. Lol

see, my younger thoughts on life changed probably the day my mom died. She passed suddenly and there are so many things surrounding that day that only make sense that something greater than me was with me that day. I wasnt supposed to be home but I chose to spend the night at my parents. My mom wasn’t obviously sick but I had an eerie feeling that something was wrong. I can honestly say on some level I knew what I was going to wake up to that morning. It’s so hard to explain without sounding like a complete lunatic.

Then a few years went by and nothing. I didn’t feel my mom around. I didn’t even dream of her. My brothers and sisters did but I ALWAYS chalked it up to their subconscious making it happen for them because they missed her. THAT’S logical.

Then one day I had a very vivid dream that is too long to explain here. Without talking to my siblings that morning I logged onto fb that morning. My brother posted that he had a dream of my mom. I called him and it was almost exactly what I dreamt? Then my aunt called me not too long after and SHE had the same dream? Turns out it was the anniversary my mom passed.
Whatever. Still could be rationalized with our subconscious psychological need to feel her with us while subliminally not realizing it was the anniversary of a sad day. Or something like that 😉

I swear this story relates to chuck and dogs and our journey lol

Anyway. .the years go on and stuff like that kept happening. Little signs. The day my first nephew was born I was working late at macys. Annoyed because I wanted to be at the hospital with my family. I was closing down my register. The store had been closed for 10 mins already. And a woman comes to me begging me to stop closing the register. I was super annoyed but something in me said to stop closing it down and ring her up. As I finished, up on the screen pops “ty jules z” usually it said their whole name. Crazy cuz that was my mom’s liscense plate. “Jules z” I was wondering all day if she knew my nephew was being born. Still somewhat rationalizable though. Lol

Similar things happened on and off..too many to go into seeing as though I’ve already written a novel ..

Then chuck got sick. I was so lost. More so than honestly that day my mom died. I know that sounds crazy. But I just wanted some sign that my choices were the right ones. This disease sucks and with our dog none of our options sounded good. Amputate: he may never walk again more than one doctor told us. Do nothing: he cod be gone in a few week. Palliative radiation therapy: risk of fracture increases they said. Ugh ugh and ugh. So which poison did I put my money on? It is all a crap shoot. It still is.

One day I was like begging god to help me decide. Like crazy person losing it begging. And in that exact moment I got an instagram message. From someone in another state who saw chucks picture in the thousands of pictures on there. Who literally just lost their saint to osteo. She contacted me because she thought ours looked similar. Yah. Chucks sister found us. Her mom told me that in her last days that’s what she would tell her clara to do when she was gone. find her family. And she did.

And from there I just knew that I had many angels helping us. Guiding us. Holding our hands through this journey. I can’t keep rationalizing it away. I just have to trust it.

Before chuck got sick my husband and I talked about getting another dog someday. We talked about names and decided that when we did if we got a girl we would name her Betty. A boy, walter. After our grandparents. We like old ppl names what can I say 😉

last night I could not sleep. I kept thinking about how could I get another dog someday? How can I love it the way we love chuck? Since we are committed to adopting this time around, we have a 3 year old son. How do I know if the dog is safe? How can I even be thinking of another dog right now? I was literally up until 3 am obsessing over this lol.

Then this morning my son grabbed a book I have literally never seen before and I open to this page:20130828_113048

Did I mention my husband’s name is bill?

Anyway. What I guess I’m getting at with this random spewing of private thoughts and experiences is that even if you don’t believe in this sort of thing.. when I’ve let go of that need to control every aspect of every day I began to enjoy today for what it really is. I KNOW things will work out the way they were meant to. I KNOW we’ll get through this. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.

12 Responses to “Just some random thoughts on how I know no matter what the future brings, that we’ll be ok. .”

  1. Karma said:

    I completely agree with everything and even the progression of your thoughts throughout your life as you have laid them out here. You and I have talked before about some of these life altering events. And I will just say I have numerous events that are too coincidental to not be “signs” or some sort of linked consciousness with this world. Just wanted to tell you, “I hear ya”. And to also let you know, today is the anniversary of my mother’s death so many years ago. Very fitting to read your post today. 😀
    Hearts to you and Chuck!

  2. lorimomofasaint said:

    Oh karma that literally just gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes! Big hugs to you!

  3. Christine said:

    Congratulations girl!! You have it all figured out! I don’t think you’re weird.. I don’t think what you are telling us is weird.. I’ve been there.. had my signs.. seen my ghosts.. (oh, those are some good stories I tell ya!!)
    but.. the main thing is that we accept what is happening.. we embrace it and love each day with our sweet puppies… and kitties..
    enjoy those days.. and many more may ye see!!

  4. Michelle said:

    Not weird at all. I have had signs (not right now from Sassy) but before Sassy passed. I got my Tripawds necklace, I ordered in Feburary Rene shipped it. It got “lost or delayed” however you want to look at it. It arrived on March 1st. That was the day Sassy was diagnosed with mets. Barney arrived on her 4 month ampuversary. I took a picture of Sassy with Barney, some think I am crazy but there is an orb above her head (picture in her blog). I have had many different signs about things.
    Not crazy but just waiting for Sassy’s. Maybe I am not ready yet. Need to heal?

    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  5. lorimomofasaint said:

    Aww michelle I totally think it’s because you need to heal. That’s how it was with my mom. Besides that day she passed it was literally years before I really felt her with me. That didn’t mean she wasn’t there. But many times I Spent so much time wishing she was still physically here that when I did get those signs I didnt believe them to be true. I just figured things happened because I wanted them to. I joke and say now that its not that im better with my mom being gone, she just got the hint that I need her to speak a little louder 😉 you will heal. And sassy will let you know she’s with you. My guess is she’ll help you know when you’re ready for a pup. I totally believe in the penny theory 🙂 keep hanging in there. You have a whole army of people praying for ya and one heck of a sweet Angel by your side. 🙂

  6. kdmilazzo said:

    I completely agree and have had experiences of my own, too many to note here. I too lost my mother when I was 19 to cancer. This is really crazy but sometimes when I’m alone driving in my car thinking about something or trying to make a decision I can smell her, like she’s sitting next to me. It always brings me comfort to know there is something bigger out there we can’t explain…and to know she’s not gone and when I really need her she’s there. Keep on looking for the signs.

  7. trio said:

    This is beautiful. It is amazing what the universe will show us when we are open to receive it. Thank you for your honest and raw post. Chuck has one amazing momma… And it sounds like Walter is out there waiting for you!

  8. benny55 said:

    Nicely articulated Lori and very well understood.

    Life will give us experiences for our soul’s growth continuously. Every esperiene thrown our way is because we are the student…and so etimes the teacher.

    Instead of “why” did this happen, we need to change the question to “Wht can I learn from this? How can I grow?”

    There’s a book called “Celestine Prophecy” that provides many different meanigs to each reader. For me, it solidifies the “everything happens for a reason” theory.. Each event in life is a stepping stone to another. At the time you may not u derstand the “why” something happened, but you can be assured that “event led to another….etc. Just sort of a “there are no coicidences”

    Chuck has brought you the gift of awareness that, ad he not been in your life, had you not been on this journey together, you would not experience the soul’s growth that your posting has shown. You would not be paying attention to all these “messages from the Universe”, etc. Who kows how many lives just this one posting has touched

    Our bodies are energy,—oir bodies stop fu ctioning at some point—not our energies. We must have to be aware how these energies present themselves when theynhave left earthly form…..perhaps through a boo, about Walter, Betty and Bill! Hmmmmmmm…..something to think about!

    Your star is conti uing to shine brighter and brighter Lori. It’s a pleasure to be on this journey with you and to watch you evolve as you “get it”

    The light and lovw in me, hoors the light and love in you,

    Sally and Happy Hannah.

  9. lorimomofasaint said:

    I couldn’t agree with you more sally. For the first time honestly since this journey started..I sorta feel like I’m starting to get it. And im starting to feel that peace. Something ive had a real hard time finding even before this journey started. Don’t get me wrong. I know and dread how hard it will be when we lose chuck. But I guess im not afraid any more. Seems contradictory. But I guess on some level im beginning to understand the meaning of faith. 🙂 my mom would be proud as that was a word I always challenged her on lol 😉

  10. jerry said:

    Well if you’re kooky than so am I, because I completely get what you are saying. I know we’ve discussed this in the chat before but it helps to know about all of the other so-called “coincidences” that have happened to you. All I can say is WOW>

    Once again you’ve proven that nothing is random, every person, every act, every living thing affects another living thing and the ripples are felt all over the globe. Everything is orchestrated by the kind of energy that we send out into the universe. When love is what gets spread around, the world is a better place. And you, Lori and Chuck, are spreading so much love as you share your thoughts and connect with others in the chat and online, that I know humanity is better off because of you. Kooky or not, I believe it with all my heart. Thank you.

  11. BarretsMomHeather said:

    You’re absolutely not cooky. I had a very traditional Catholic upbringing, but when I became a teenager I was starting to think that maybe I was an atheist. I’ve since amended that to “agnostic” because there are so many coincidences, but I don’t believe in an omniscient, omnipresent entity – more of a collective consciousness.

    This is the reason why I never say “I am praying for you” – because I don’t pray nor do I know who I would pray to. When I say “I am thinking of you” – that is a true statement. I think of many of my fellow tripawd/cancer fighters often and hope my positive thoughts travel through the collective and get to each and every person I think about. I think of you and Chuck each time I see a St. Bernard 🙂

    As far as thinking about another dog – everyone has those thoughts. I have 3 young dogs and I’ve already thought about “what if”. I’ve decided my next adoption will be a tripawd.. even if it is (hopefully) 10+ years down the road 🙂

    As long as everyone is sharing… here’s what I’ve got as far as inexplicable coincidences:

    I was in a terrible accident and the first “person” to the scene was someone I later realized might have been my deceased aunt Jenny (at least that is what I believe. I only knew her from photographs and I was very badly injured, near comatose. She died when I was very young in a car crash). No one else saw this person at the scene. She said she’d check back in on me later as the ambulance arrived… eerie.

    My mom and I have this intense connection even though we live thousands of miles away. She’ll call me and ask what’s wrong because she already can “feel” something amiss. I’ve got the same 6th sense with her.

    I used to smell my grandpa’s pipe smoke every once in awhile. It’s been a few years though.

    On the other hand I have sometimes debilitating anxiety when I “feel” something is wrong. It makes it tough to figure out if I am using my 6th sense or if I am letting my imagination get the best of me. It has lead to several pointless trips to the emergency vet or frantic phone calls to family members 😉 Better safe than sorry?

    • lorimomofasaint said:

      Your story sounds so familiar to my life 🙂 Maybe that’s Why we feel connected. Everthing from the Catholic upbringing to the anxiety. (You are in the art field to right? )I’m the exact same way. Honestly my Anxiety still gets the best of me but I honestly feel lately that I’ve been able to separate the two. When Ive let go of the worries of the what ifs, the signs pointing me on my path have been clearer. The signs that I have people with me, holding me along this journey aren’t something I doubt anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m at peace with losing chuck one day. I doesn’t mean I don’t want it to Happen or that I won’t lose my mind when it does, or that the mere thought of that day doesn’t send me into a complete breakdown (i still cry pretty much daily when I think of that)..I guess I’m at peace with the fact there are some things I can control and some things I can’t. Blah. 😉 ty for sharing your stories too!! We WILL fight through this with all the help we can get 😉 give your baby a st bernard suzed hug from us! 🙂

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